Flash Fiction


Don’t pick up! I don’t know if you have a machine or voicemail, but if you’re screening don’t pick up. I just want to tell you something because I heard Todd Rundgren on the radio today. It was actually “Bang on the Drum,” but that made me think of “Hello it’s Me” and that made me want to call you. 

I didn’t have the nerve before, but now I do, so I’m going to tell you that I was pissed that day you came over and acted like we should pick up where we 

left off. 

You should have known something was wrong when you finally got here because I was still in my bathrobe. Normal people don’t wear bathrobes in the afternoon unless they work midnights or something. And it wasn’t an invitation, like if I was wearing Victoria’s Secret or something. 

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I’m pissed that you didn’t care enough to ask if there was anything wrong, which there was. When you called I told you I’d lost my job, so you should have known that I’d be depressed. So you should have said something or just not come over. 

Anyway, Mike told me you’re getting married. So I want to tell you that I know. I figured out why you called that day. It’s because things were getting serious with her and you wanted to see if there was still anything between us and 

that maybe we’d just go back to the way it was and you could dump her and still have somebody. 

And maybe that would have worked if you’d been nice to me, like suggesting that I put on clothes and we’d go out for a burger or something, but you just made your usual move. Like it hadn’t been at least a month since you’d called. 

I should have just told you to go to hell, but I was too depressed to be mad. 

But I’m not depressed now so I can be mad. 

So if you talk with Mike, like you’d ever call him either, he can tell you all about my new job and where I’m moving and all the other good stuff, which I won’t tell you about because I know you don’t care. 

Just FYI, I knew we weren’t exclusive and that was okay, but it took me a while to figure out that I was just the stupid booty call. I’m just sorry that you were my first choice and Mike was my booty call, but at least he always knew it and he didn’t care. 

Anyway, if your girlfriend or fiancé or whatever hears this, I hope you’ve already told her that you had a booty call girl, but now you don’t. Or maybe you do, but at least it’s not me. 

Anyway, that’s it. I was pissed. I’m still pissed. So if your fiancé or whatever dumps you, don’t call me. You won’t have my new number anyway. 

So that’s it. 

Except that Mike says hi. 

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